NSIC Sept. 29
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The order will be up soon. Announcements are up now.
The order will be up soon. Announcements are up now.
posted by AdamEggHahn at 12:29 PM
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posted by AdamEggHahn at 12:29 PM
82 Comments:
Announcements:
1. Website: www.noshame.org
2. No Shame 20th Anniversary
-Oct 9-14: 5 nights of regular shows, then BOBONS on Saturday
-We have posters tonight. You can buy tickets for BOBONS next Friday
3. Yes Shame Theatre
-every OTHER Tuesday night (not this Tuesday), 8PM
-City High Little Theatre
4. This Machine
-Improv, Saturday Sept. 30 at Venuto's, 11 PM, $3
5. Cornfed Radio Theatre
-KRUI on Sunday nights, 11PM
6. Eric's TV show, Iowa Desk and Couch
-Sundays at 8, UITV
7. David's Red-Haired Death
-Theatre B, Saturday at 8, Sunday at 2, $6/$4
8. City Circle New Play Festival in February
-short work submission deadline Oct 15
-www.citycircle.org
See the BOBONS poster here: http://www.adamhahn.com/flyer_iowa_webonly.jpg
Hey Adam. I guess I could ask you this tonight at the radio show but just for everyone elses knowledge (mainly those who may be new to the blog) When will the BOBONS order be posted?
The Order:
1. "Cleaning Crew" by Evan Schenck (body removal service scene)
2. "I'm So Confused" by Luke Christensen (stand-up)
3. "Rigga the Fart Machine" by Michael Tabor, Jake Gontero, Jamal River, & Alyssa Bowman
4. "Something Sweet" by Janani S. (Hansel and Gretel-inspired broken home scene)
5. "Skeleton Alisa vs. Flesh Alisa: Final Death Match" by The Newly Reunited Skeleton Alisa and Flesh Alisa (monologue: flesh loses, finds bones)
6. "Come and Meet the Folks" by Eli Wilkinson (bringing home a girl to meet the non-living family)
7. "Greg and the Audience of No Shame Attempt to Levitate a Table" by Greg Machlin (group telekinesis)
8. "Miguel" by King Sophie (planning to fall in love with hotdog vendor)
9. "Jamal Lies About a Word" by Michael Tabor, Jamal Rivers, & Jake Gontero
10. "Sucks to Be You, Pluto!" by Christina Gulick and Eric Landuyt (the meeting in which Pluto is fired)
11. "This Week in Canada" by Nick Beatty (stand-up)
12. "Yogurt Sucks" by Stevi Gaul (comparing yogurt to other good things)
13. "Metaphorskin" by Mortimer Snert (love derailed by turkey baster penis)
14. "Seven Pieces in Five Minutes or Less, I Promise" by Adam Hahn (sex, meat, wire hanger)
15. "He's Just Misunderstood" by Katy Baggs (Bowser is not a rapist)
Eli, the preliminary BOBONS order whould be up before I go to work tomorrow.
1. "Cleaning Crew" by Evan Schenck.
I thought this piece went over okay, but not great. Maybe it would have been better served in the middle of a show, after the audience was more warmed up.
2. "I'm So Confused" by Luke Christensen
This guy kind of died on stage, and I feel for him. Standup at No-Shame doesn't seem to perform very well.
3. "Rigga the Fart Machine" by Michael Tabor, Jake Gontero, Jamal River, & Alyssa Bowman
I don't think it would be amiss for me to declare this piece a total disaster. The first piece was kind of meh, the second piece a little worse, but this one basically brought the show to a screaming halt. No offense to anyone involved, but the four minutes of fart noises was probably 3 minutes 45 seconds too much.
4. "Something Sweet" by Janani S.
Thank you for pretty much rescuing the show, especially to Katie Baggs and her masterful sugar-eating. This piece worked on several levels and I was impressed by the number of threads going through the piece.
5. "Skeleton Alisa vs. Flesh Alisa: Final Death Match" by The Newly Reunited Skeleton Alisa and Flesh Alisa
Good, good. Alisa's character in this piece had a very distinctive voice, and the story was very good. The character of the guy with the great sound system was... familiar.
6. "Come and Meet the Folks" by Eli Wilkinson
Good acting by the corpses and Christina who pretended to be Eli's girlfriend because his real girlfriend wouldn't be in it. Also I think the joke about the soup was stolen from the Red Dwarf episode "Kryten".
7. "Greg and the Audience of No Shame Attempt to Levitate a Table" by Greg Machlin
This came off well, and the ending was heartwarming.
8. "Miguel" by King Sophie
Unexpectedly poignant and serious. Way to go.
9. "Jamal Lies About a Word" by Michael Tabor, Jamal Rivers, & Jake Gontero
This, especially by contrast to the farting, was a fairly superior piece.
10. "Sucks to Be You, Pluto!" by Christina Gulick and Eric Landuyt
(I hope it doesn't bother people when I ad-lib in their pieces, but I'm a raging egomaniac and can scarcely help it. If somebody casts me in a piece and they want me to stick directly to the script I would definitely do that if asked.)
Actual review: TOPICAL! I enjoyed being in this piece and being the mean planet.
11. "This Week in Canada" by Nick Beatty
Pretty good, a few jokes did real well, others not so much. Looking forward to more.
12. "Yogurt Sucks" by Stevi Gaul
Wow, excellent. Almost as good as the yogurt was purported to be. I don't know why Alyssa (spelling?) refuses to be in Eli's pieces, I think she does a fine job of acting.
13. "Metaphorskin" by Mortimer Snert
Pretty good job. I liked how Patrick was cast as a woman (appropriate? maybe!).
14. "Seven Pieces in Five Minutes or Less, I Promise" by Adam Hahn
At least one of the mini-pieces was completely drowned out by cheers whilst Adam Hahn forced himself through a wire hangar. Of the shirtlessness, my girlfriend said that Adam Hahn had very nice arms but could maybe work on his abs a little bit (but what the fuck does she know? she's dating me, for christ's sake). I look forward to the return of the "The DI is a Shitty Paper" shirt next week, when the DI forgets to put us in again.
15. "He's Just Misunderstood" by Katy Baggs
I agree that Bowser is not a rapist. He was kidnapping Peach merely prove his supremacy over the Mushroom Kingdom. The "sit like a gentleman" line was excellent. The lights problem sucked.
I can't comment as an audience member for several of these because I was in a lot this week - how'd that happen? But here goes:
1. "Cleaning Crew" - I like it when there are pieces with dead bodies because you can just do stuff to them. I liked kicking Eli and then putting my feet up on him; when the piece was over I told him, "I'm sorry I physically abused you."
2. "I'm So Confused" - Was this the one with the guy who put chewing tobacco on his penis?
I liked his Crocs thing the week before...
3. "Rigga the Fart Machine" - How come there was so much complaining about the quality of No Shame last semester and then this happens?
You guys are saboteurs!
4. "Something Sweet" - I really made a mess in this, when I got home later I still had grains of sugar clinging to my face. The doll was the most adorable prop ever.
5. "Skeleton Alisa..." - I'm not sure why the lisp, except to put on a character, but it fit and the story was very absurd and funny, and I liked it.
6. "Come and Meet the Folks" - I abuse Eli's corpse in Evan's piece, and I play a corpse in Eli's piece. Win-win.
7. This was fun to watch. Later I told Greg it reminded me of Abbie Hoffman trying to levitate the Pentagon. I liked Evan's adlib, even though I'm a big fan of godless science, because he was so indignant about it.
I guess now it reminds me more of a 19th-century "psychic" medium who would turn off the lights and move the table with her feet. Or any other situation where someone tries to levitate a table, I guess.
8. I've thought that Sophie and Mirri would get along like gangbusters, because they're both whimsical and cute and also a bit melancholy, and this serious piece makes me think that more. Sophie's great.
In a word: Awwww.
9. "Jamal Lies about a Word" - I remember laughing at this. Jamal's acting is funny.
10. "Sucks to Be You, Pluto" - For some reason I thought there was more before my entrance, and turns out there wasn't supposed to be. The writing showed that there was some actual looking up of things that were bigger than Pluto. EDUTAINMENT!
11. "This Week in Canada" - I think this was the one with the tramp joke in it that people laughed a lot at? The thing about more than one stand-up bit in a night is that I can't remember which guy said what. Sorry, gentlemen. Do come back, though.
12. "Yogurt Sucks" - I laughed more at the acting then the writing, but these people are good. Stevi should come back, because I haven't seen her before and there is so much more to know! Eric coming in at the end and saying "yogurt sucks" made me vividly remember a Conan skit about a character who could ruin any situation with one word, and it was a guy in a shirt that said, "PUBES," and he'd just say "pubes" and couples would break off engagements, people would get sad, etc. So Eric is perfect to play that part - the guy who comes in at the end to say "yogurt sucks" and put a damper on the whole situation. No offense, Eric.
13. "Metaphorskin" - I was wondering if Mortimer was really going to whip out his snert, and then it was a baster. I like it when things are concealed on someone's person and then revealed, and I didn't know what the song was but I thought it was funny "getting sexy" music.
As long as Mortimer is using puns for his piece titles, may I suggest a couple:
Mandy Potemkin - Inigo Montoya tracks down the Cossack who shot down his father
Van de Graffenberg - It will make your pubes stand on end!
Okay, nevermind.
14. As was acknowledged in the piece (if people could hear me), everything else was eclipsed by Adam in his underpants. Not that that's anything to complain about, 'cause dayamn. I wanted to try to fit myself through a hanger when I got back to my room, but all I had were plastic hangers and the cushy ones for nice sweaters. Damn my feminine knowledge of which hangers to own.
15. I have a bad habit of not being able to think of an idea for a skit until it's late, and writing it twenty minutes before I leave. I think it showed here. I forgive Janani for the lights mishap and my laptop wouldn't play "Beauty and the Beast" loud enough, but shit happens.
Hey, The Third Man just came on TCM. I could listen to jaunty zither music all day.
I don't refuse to act in Eli's pieces...*sniffs*...he never asks me...*sits in a dark corner* Thank you for the compliment though. I was deffinatly terrified. Also, thank you for spelling my name correctly. :)
I was the lightist for this performance, so I apologize to the writers/performers for all the cues I biffed. It was my first time doing lights.
1. "Cleaning Crew" - it took a little while to get going, but it was fun and absurd overall.
2. "I'm So Confused" (standup) - I wish the jokes had connected to each other more. It might have helped the act feel more spontaneous and off-the-cuff. Maybe more memorization and more audience participation (so it doesn't feel so scripted).
3. "Rigga the Fart Machine" - We got punked. It might have worked if they'd varied up the farts more, or made them the gimmick of an actual scene. It got monotonous.
4. "Something Sweet" - I added too many stage directions. It slowed things down. But THANK YOU to the actors for carving out personalities so quickly, especially Katy. (Katy, you're lucky - I almost filled that ziploc with salt).
5. "Skeleton Alisa vs. Flesh Alisa" - Flawless. Loved it.
6. "Come and Meet the Folks" - There were some great sight gags in this one. My favorite part was everyone sliding off their chairs. I wish the piece had lasted a little longer and kept Eli + "Phoebe" onstage at the end.
7. "Table Levitation" - Loved it. Loved Evan's contribution too. The last moments were kind of poignant, actually.
8. "Miguel" - Really good. The two halves (narration + action) didn't completely fit together for me, but the last lines were great. I think this would also make a great radio piece.
9. "Jamal Lies About a Word" - Big improvement on #3.
10. "Sucks to be You, Pluto!" - Hehe. Fun and topical. Was Katy orbiting the stage on purpose?
11. "This Week in Canada" - Big improvement on last week's. I liked the last joke (about the shopping list) the best.
12. "Yogurt Sucks" - Brilliant! I loved Alyssa's persona onstage. Just one suggestion for the other actor - I would start more casual and build up to the gonzo orgasms.
13. "Metaphorskin" - Reminded me disturbingly of my lesbian friends who are trying to get pregnant. Except, they're using a syringe, not a baster.
14. "Seven Pieces" - I repeat: Adam, will you father some children for me?
15. "He's Just Misunderstood" - First off, I point you all to www.fanfiction.net, where you will find fanfiction written about every book, movie, musical, TV show, and videogame you can think of. If you are like me, you will mock, and then you will succumb. Second - try to imagine the piece without a giant blackout in the middle.
Janani - I was totally orbiting the stage on purpose, and am glad it was recognized as such!
http://thyla.com/fan-art.html
Hilarious.
1. Cleaning Crew--liked the dark & disturbing elements.
2. I'm so confused--I didn't mind this piece, but it really pissed me off that after everyone had been SPECIFICALLY WARNED NOT TO TOUCH THE SET PIECES, the guy did a cartwheel that brought him within TWO INCHES of the fragile set piece. Fucking **irresponsible. DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. The theatre dept. is generous enough to give us the space. Don't make them regret it.
3. Rigga the Fart Machine--I laughed in spite of myself, but based on the other comments, I am wondering if this was a deliberate attempt to sabotage No Shame or attack the audience.
*4. Something Sweet--one of my favorites. Sad and sweet in a non-sugary way, and it's one of the first serious pieces this semester to connect to the audience. Again, though, not happy about the sugar on the floor.
5. Skeleton Alisa vs. Reg. Alisa--I liked it, but Alisa had a really tough act to follow from her previous two pieces.
*6. "Come and Meet the Folks--acting awards of the night go to Adam and Katy as dead people. Brilliant. Twisted and funny at the end. Needed to lose the final joke only because it was repetitive.
7. Levitate table--of the pieces I've done, this wasn't my favorite...I'd reverse the order and actually levitate the table at the end instead of the beginning. I couldn't tell what the audience thought--Some people seemed to like it, but it didn't seem to be as much of a hit as "Pourable Mustard."
Review of rest of the show in a later comment.
Evan-
That joke was a blatant homage to that episode for being one of my top 10 episodes from the Brilliance (minus seasons 7 and 8) that is known as Red Dwarf. Good job!
And each one of my pieces from this week on will include a homage to my favorite episodes 9-1. Guess them all and win a prize!
3. "Rigga the Fart Machine" by Michael Tabor, Jake Gontero, Jamal River, & Alyssa Bowman
On Saturday morning, I was petting a kitten and I thought about this piece and I laughed.
I'd like to say that I think it is in very poor taste to bring the lights down on a piece that hasn't ended yet. It doesn't matter how much you hate it, Adam Hahn, you have to sit there and watch it. It wasn't breaking any rules. Nobody has the power/right to turn the lights out before 5 minutes on a piece that isn't breaking rules. It doesn't matter if you don't like it. Also, it's in poor taste to go up to a writer after the show and angrily confront them with: "What the fuck was that?" Seriously, I know that my behavior hasn't been the best in the past (see: Big Butt Theatre), but your behavior was unacceptable. I'm sure everybody hated it (I would've hated watching it and I sort of hated being in it) and I'm sure people can make very good and valid argument on how this was bad and that they were relieved when it ended (I can't blame them)...but, dude, you can't interfere like that with a performance that isn't breaking the rules. I honestly think that your behavior deserves an apology to the performers and authors of this piece.
(I don't speak for the other authors/performers of the piece in this paragraph) On the issue of sabotage: I think sabotage is an awfully strong word. I do admit that we did make the piece as un-enjoyable as possible (including the dialogue) but I think its cool some people seemed to like it (Greg). For me, the piece was about my own enjoyment rather than the enjoyment of the audience. Admittedly, I did get some enjoyment out of how much the audience hated it.
1. "Cleaning Crew" by Evan Schenck (body removal service scene)
This was pretty good, I suppose. I had not strong feelings about it one way or the other. It reminded me of Pulp Fiction. Evan, did you watch Pulp Fiction on Thursday?
4. "Something Sweet" by Janani S. (Hansel and Gretel-inspired broken home scene)
I enjoyed this better than Janani's first piece. I look forward to seeing what Janani has in the future. I hope she keep contributing to the show.
5. "Skeleton Alisa vs. Flesh Alisa: Final Death Match" by The Newly Reunited Skeleton Alisa and Flesh Alisa (monologue: flesh loses, finds bones)
This I really loved. Alisa is starting the semester off with a bang!
6. "Come and Meet the Folks" by Eli Wilkinson (bringing home a girl to meet the non-living family)
My only not on this is that maybe the piece should have ended as the guy and the girl were exiting. I didn't think the last joke about the aunt was necessary. But, hey, that's just me!
10. "Sucks to Be You, Pluto!" by Christina Gulick and Eric Landuyt (the meeting in which Pluto is fired)
I liked it, because I obsessed about the Pluto thing. Ask Jesse Blaine how much astronomical stuff I read at work while this was going on...his answer would probably be: "A LOT!"
11. "This Week in Canada" by Nick Beatty (stand-up)
Malmo!
13. "Metaphorskin" by Mortimer Snert (love derailed by turkey baster penis)
I didn't think anybody else but me noticed or thought that a turkey baster was penis-like.
14. "Seven Pieces in Five Minutes or Less, I Promise" by Adam Hahn (sex, meat, wire hanger)
I enjoyed this pretty well. I'm not a huge fan of the piece about the piece type thing, but it was fun seeing Adam squish through that hanger. I wish he would've just taken his pants off.
15. "He's Just Misunderstood" by Katy Baggs (Bowser is not a rapist)
Not Katy's best, but pretty good. Malmo!
I would definitely have to agree with michael. i felt it was VERY uncouth for a board member to hop up in the middle of a performance to put the lights out on a piece that was clearly operating within the reasonable bounds of No Shame Theatre's laws. is there some bylaw that states that if a piece annoys adam hahn, he has the right to pull the plug on it? i have never performed at no shame, but this is just thing that terrifies a new writer. maybe you didnt like the piece. i did. and i know that at least the guy next to me did. it was very andy kaufman-esque. the performer becomes the audience. but regardless. even if EVERYONE absolutely hated it, not even GOD himself has the authority to pull the plug on a piece that is operating by the rules.
I think Adam Hahn probably thought that Michael's piece was intentionally designed to ruin the show (if false, perhaps it can be admitted that it wasn't a wholly unreasonable assumption) and he made a judgment call to end it "early".
A few points about this--
1) Whether Adam was right or wrong, I don't really think it's fair to paint him as the evil board member who unfairly attacked a "Andy Kaufmen-esque" (was this a joke, Anonymous Audience member? because LOLz) piece.
2) Are you sure he even terminated it early? Because I'm pretty sure that Michael's piece had been going on for like ten-thousand years by the time the lights went out. I think ten thousand years is over the limit.
3) And, assuming it did happen around the four minute mark, did it actually cut the piece short? Adam Hahn caused us to miss another 60 seconds of Michael and Jake making fart noises, while looking intensely uncomfortable (Jake) and clinically insane (Michael)? How can we ever forgive him?
if two guys making fart noises for five minutes can ruin an entire show, then i guess no shame theatre is on its last leg. it doesnt matter who liked it. nobody should have the right to make that call. it violates the no shame constitution. yes shame--on you, adam hahn.
>I think Adam Hahn probably thought that Michael's piece was intentionally designed to ruin the show (if false, perhaps it can be admitted that it wasn't a wholly unreasonable assumption) and he made a judgment call to end it "early".
This wasn't solely my piece and I do not admit to trying to "ruin No Shame" but: Unless there's a rule saying "no trying to ruin No Shame with your piece" (there's not) then that's not a judgement call Adam is allowed to make.
>A few points about this--
>1) Whether Adam was right or wrong, I don't really think it's fair to paint him as the evil board member who unfairly attacked a "Andy Kaufmen-esque" (was this a joke, Anonymous Audience member? because LOLz) piece.
I agree that it is not right to paint Adam as evil.
>2) Are you sure he even terminated it early? Because I'm pretty sure that Michael's piece had been going on for like ten-thousand years by the time the lights went out. I think ten thousand years is over the limit.
I had written the script that I would indicate when to bring the lights down, but when I learned the lights would be dimmed at 5 minutes, I decided to just wait that out and end when the lights were dimmed. Since the lights were never dimmed and Adam got out of his seat and walked up to the lightbooth and the lights went out, and I got yelled at after the show, I feel that it is very safe to assume that Adam either caused the lights to go out early or intended to cause the lights to go out early and was thwarted by the 5 minutes mark (less likely since the lights went black instead of dimmed). But it's hard to make the argument that this piece went over 5 minutes, with the new "light dimming/light going out" policy that was in place. I do approve of this policy. I think it's a great idea when it comes to all pieces. Adam was not needed to go to the booth for the other light dimmings...
>3) And, assuming it did happen around the four minute mark, did it actually cut the piece short? Adam Hahn caused us to miss another 60 seconds of Michael and Jake making fart noises, while looking intensely uncomfortable (Jake) and clinically insane (Michael)? How can we ever forgive him?
This points is what I was referring to with my statement: "I'm sure everybody hated it (I would've hated watching it and I sort of hated being in it) and I'm sure people can make very good and valid argument on how this was bad and that they were relieved when it ended (I can't blame them)...but, dude, you can't interfere like that with a performance that isn't breaking the rules." I feel this is a valid point. It's out decision on if this is to go 4 or 5 minutes. Not anybody else's.
It's OUR decision, not "it's out decision." I don't proofread until it's too late.
Here's what happened in the light booth:
I timed all pieces on the light timer. Michael's script said "a couple of minutes," so when it went considerably over I was bewildered, but I decided to let it go to 5 minutes, then dim.
At 4 minutes, Adam came up wanting to know the time. He did not ask or command me to turn out the lights. What happened is, shortly after Adam came up I saw Michael give what I thought was the lights-down wave. Maybe it was just a regular wave. But he definitely made some sort of gesture at the booth, which I took to mean the piece was over. So, blackout.
So basically what happened is, I misinterpreted Michael's cue. No malice.
Side question: when I saw "lights down" in a script, I took that to mean blackout. Do people usually prefer lights dimmed on their pieces?
To clarify: By "considerably over" I mean I thought the piece would last about 2 minutes, so when it hit 2:30, then 3:00, then 4:00, I wondered what was up. And I can see how it would have felt really, really long to the audience. But the piece did not violate the 5 minute rule.
regardless of what went down in the booth, adam clearly went up with the intention of ending the piece, at teh very least, his presence served as an intimidation. when was the last time a board member went up to the booth to "check the time"? havent we all sat through pieces that were clearly hated by everyone in the audience? we dont cut people off. not in my house.
ALSO--for a piece that was unanimously despised, there are about four solid minutes of laughter to account for.
I like this fight a lot. (And only partially because it sort of involves me.) I think it's funny and weird how the 2 pieces "written" by me and Michael & Jake (Alyssa only "helped" on the fart one) have been inextricably linked in everyone's minds & reviews, even though they were pretty much totally unrelated. They weren't a 2-part series or anything, ya'll. Anyway, that's just a lil aside, really. On to the real fightin'!
Unsuprisingly, I like-a say that I whole heartedly agree with the criticisms of Adam's behavior. I found it remarkably innappropriate, & I ain't lyin' when I tell you, Adam Hahn: if I hadn't quit the board myself, I'd probably be requesting your resignation about now. (I'd request it anyhows, but it wouldn't do any good, I reckon.) Not JUST because of this one incident or anything, but I feel it was a striking example of your "play by Adam's rules or don't play at all" mentality. And the fact that you had the gall to not only cut off the piece, but then confront its creators and berate them for what you considered sub-standard work really "pushes my buttons", as the old folks say (about their buttons). I haven't seen this style of board fascism since the glory days of Mandi Lee. (And when I say, "Board Fascism" I really just mean "Adam Fascism", the other 3 of you seem fairly reasonable... even the one of you that I'm dating.)
Jesse Blaine once did a piece where a little plastic fetus sat silently on a table for 5 minutes. I hated it. It was one of the most boring 5 minutes of my life. ...Who cares? I don't recall a single complaint being made at the time (other than "that was fuckin' boring"), and there were certainly no rumors of Jesse attempting to "ruin No Shame". Honest to god, if you people can't stand to be annoyed for like 3 1/2 minutes (and I'm telling you, that's about as long as the fart noises went on-- of COURSE it felt like forever, how would it NOT? But no, dialogue included, the piece was like 4 minutes) then I think you have bigger problems to worry about. Life's pretty damn annoying in general: you better chill out, 'fore you give youselves a hernia and a ulcer... with a CORONARY. !!
The funny thing is, a LOT of the audience actually ended up enjoying the piece, at least for the 1st couple minutes. I remember Alyssa leaning over to me during the piece and saying, "This is great. Look around: the audience likes it, but the No Shame regulars HATE it." Sure enough, people in front of & behind me were laughing (some not, of course, but some quite substantially), the performers, mostly all to my right, were looking not only bored, but ANGERED. It was a rewarding, if perverse, feeling.
On a long, mostly unrelated note, here's the ribbish tickling tale of the true origins (as I recall them) of the infamous "Fart Piece That Destroyed No Shame For Everyone".
4 people, playin' 4 square:
Michael: Jake, do you think you could take like 200 fart machines to rig up to all fart at once?
Jake: ...No.
Alyssa: I thought you just said something like,
"Do you have any fart machines for me and my friend Rigga?"
Jamal: Hah! Me and my friend Rigga.
Michael: I want to do a piece where I'm just like, "Jake, my friend Rigga and I were wondering if you have any fart machines. We're in the market." And that's the whole piece.
Jamal: "We're in the market for a fart kit!" Get it? Mar-ket, fart-kit?
Michael: Ha ha! Farket! We're in the market for a farket! And then Jake says, "Regular or extra smelly?"
Jamal: ...Hmmmm.
Michael: The piece is called "Rigga the Fart Machine".
Jamal: Rigga the Fart Machine?! You and your friend are looking for some fart machines... and Rigga IS a fart machine?
Michael: Yes! Maybe I should even say, "Me & my friend Rigga the fart machine are looking for some fart machines."
Jamal: That's good.
Michael: Oh! And then the lights should go down, and then once people are done clapping, they come back up, and we stand there and make fart noises for like a solid minute! [editor's note: I believe Michael already addressed this, but I think the plan was always to do just 1 minute of farting... until Michael heard about how they were going to be dimming the lights at 5, got excited about it, and decided to just wait for that]
Jamal: Oooh! I like it! That would really be awful. I was already kind of put off by the "regular or extra smelly" punchline, but that would make it so much weirder & more unpleasant.
THE END
Fart mysteries... REVEALED! Only not in a very useful or satisfying way, I thinks.
That's all. But unless I hear some explicit explanation of the rules, and how "Rigga" somehow broke them, I'm going to go on the assumption that it's pretty much cool for somebody to run up to the light booth and abort a piece if it's not to their liking. I guess I can handle that, but be forewarned: there's a LOT of pieces I don't particularly like that much...
Janani said: "To clarify: By "considerably over" I mean I thought the piece would last about 2 minutes, so when it hit 2:30, then 3:00, then 4:00, I wondered what was up. And I can see how it would have felt really, really long to the audience. But the piece did not violate the 5 minute rule. "
Ah. I see. My apologies to Adam for my mis-reading of the situation.
This is how it appeared to me (and apparently many other people) so an
honest mistake. Adam, I do apologize for accusing you falsely, though,
you can see how it was reasonable for me to interpret it this way.
Unfortunate timing, I suppose, but with the confrontation after the
show (which was still un-cool) and everything, I thought (as a lot
did) that that's what happened.
I'm sorry, Adam. It did look a lot like you turned out the lights.
Thanks, Janani, for the clarification.
I feel only mildly like a dope.
Also, concerned audience member, let's not just turn this into an attack on Adam. It appears as though we (along with many people) may have been wrong.
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Hey, Michael. Don't leave me out of your "don't let's attack Adam" statement: I said way meaner things than anonymous did.
I guess I apologize for falsely accusing Adam of turning off the lights. Janani's post wasn't up yet when I posted my short novel. I don't feel very bad about it though, since, as anon pointed out, the intention still seemed pretty clear. Also, I'm probably not going to start being nicer to Adam just for the heck of it. Adam Hahn: I honestly feel your decisions as a board member in general are being hurtful to No Shame as a whole. There, I have laid it on the line OK.? I'm laying upon that line. (BTW: I'll be the 1st to admit, I was a pretty terrible board member myself for the last year or so of my term. But happily, I quit! and am no longer a serious threat to the orginization! Smiley face.)
Jman- I figured that your post was started before Janani posted hers, so I didn't think you needed to be included, since I didn't think you had all the "facts" at the time and therefore your words were still justified.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I delted my comment to ammend it:
Also, I think that every single thing that Jamal said in the final paragraph of his previous post (the apology to Adam) is exactally how I feel, right down to the quitting the board and admitting to not being the best board member my final year on the board, and thinking Adam is making bad decision and a little power mad, etc. And all that. I feel the exact same way.
I have a secret dream that "a very concerned audience member" is actually Adam Hahn pretending and having fun.
I have a secret dream that "a very concerned audience member" is actually Adam Hahn pretending and having fun.
I hereby officially call for the resignation of Adam Christopher Hahn.
"Fart Piece That Destroyed No Shame For Everyone" I'm glad Janani explained what happened in the light booth, because too much could be assumed. As people are citing the rules to defend Micheal Tabor and company, Adam Hann didn't break any rules. He didn't cut the piece short. He just asked for how long the piece had gone on. Personal I thought the piece was funny for a minute, thinking it would have a witty punch line, but that never came. I believe that Adam Hann was concerned about what would happen to the audience of No Shame. We all know what happened last winter and with Best of Best of No Shame coming up Adam Hann has a lot to lose. I love the audience that No Shame is getting and I hope that we can keep it, but doing a piece just to piss the audience off isn't cool. I agree that Micheal Tabor and crew had the right to fart for five minutes, but if they still want a space to fart for five minutes they should try to keep the audience.
Note: I wasn't there.
can't we all just get along?
Anonymous Audience Members--
"ALSO--for a piece that was unanimously despised, there are about four solid minutes of laughter to account for."
Again, LOLz. If you can't tell the difference between "this is funny" laughter and "I am uncomfortable with this situation and don't know what to do" laughter, nothing I can say is going to help you. Sorry.
But at any rate, where I was sitting there in the front there was like six people within arms reach of me and nobody seemed to be enjoying it, and when I did my "what the fuck is going on" look around the theater, I can't recall seeing more than a handful of people actually enjoying it.
MIRRI--
"can't we all just get along?"
Clearly we can't, although this time we can't just blame Patrick 'Frown-Machine' Ashcraft for the Blog controversy (or can we?). Since it's been established that apparently Adam Hahn's only crime last Friday was in yelling at Michael Tabor after the show, which isn't actually a crime as far as I know, it would probably be stupid to call for him to resign. I think that it should probably be solved between Michael and Adam in the squared circle or maybe the Octagon.
1. "Cleaning Crew" by Evan Schenck
Funny premise, but the pacing could have been better. It started dragging toward the end.
2. "I'm So Confused" by Luke Christensen
I really don't like it when people start off by saying "I'm new and I suck" or some variation thereof. Don't apologize for being onstage. It's like telling us you don't want to be there, which then makes us wonder why you are there. If you're onstage, do what you want to do, and hopefully the audience will go along with you. That said:
3. "Rigga the Fart Machine" by Michael Tabor, Jake Gontero, Jamal River, & Alyssa Bowman
First of all, I'm glad to find out the light situation was the result of a miscommunication. But the point remains that everyone had good reason to believe Adam had them cut off. I wished he had not done so because it sets a bad example and a dangerous precedent. I also wished that such a situation would never have arisen because a piece like this would never have been performed in the first place.
Michael-- "I do admit that we did make the piece as un-enjoyable as possible...For me, the piece was about my own enjoyment rather than the enjoyment of the audience." That's more or less what I thought of the piece; to be honest, I thought it was something the four writers came up with while they were drunk and peformed to amuse themselves. Performers shouldn't pander to the audience, but they also shouldn't be self-indulgent and antagonizing. I know Michael, Jamal, and Alyssa have been at No Shame long enough to not really give a fuck what anyone else thinks, but there should still be some respect for the audience. Obviously, some of the audience enjoyed this piece, which is fine. No Shame should be a venue for all tastes, and Michael and Jake had every right to do this piece. Cutting them off would have been wrong, and I'm glad to find out Adam did not actually do so. I don't know what Adam has been doing as a board member that has pissed people off, but I assume he wants No Shame to be regarded as a quality performance venue. Some of us do take No Shame seriously and put a lot of effort into writing and performing each week. Michael, Jamal, Jake, and Alyssa are all capable of much better, so I found this piece very lazy and immature.
4. "Something Sweet" by Janani S.
I really liked the first two-thirds of it. It was funny and touching, and I thought the idea of a cocaine addict telling her children their (crack) house is made of sugar was clever. But then the end left something to be desired. It ended with a sort of generic kid-still-wants-to-be-with-dad moment. It also seemed to me like the house was actually made of sugar, which is not a bad idea but didn't fit with the satiric theme I thought I'd picked up on. It was a good skit with a weak ending.
5. "Skeleton Alisa vs. Flesh Alisa: Final Death Match" by The Newly Reunited Skeleton Alisa and Flesh Alisa
Automatic toilets annoy me too. I didn't know why Alisa had to use that voice, but it was still a good piece.
6. "Come and Meet the Folks" by Eli Wilkinson
I understood the homage to "Red Dwarf." It was hard for me to keep a straight face; I'm a bad corpse.
7. "Greg and the Audience of No Shame Attempt to Levitate a Table" by Greg Machlin
I really liked being in this one. It was fun.
8. "Miguel" by King Sophie
A good serious piece from Sophie.
9. "Jamal Lies About a Word" by Michael Tabor, Jamal Rivers, & Jake Gontero
Even though they were not connected, it was hard not to view this piece in light of their earlier one. It was very much the better of the two, but I still didn't think it was that great.
10. "Sucks to Be You, Pluto!" by Christina Gulick and Eric Landuyt
Went pretty well. Katy's "orbit" was a surprise.
11. "This Week in Canada" by Nick Beatty
Nick was more relaxed this time, but the material wasn't as strong. Still pretty good though; I hope he continues improving.
12. "Yogurt Sucks" by Stevi Gaul
Some of the greatest analogies I have ever heard. And Katy, I do have a natural talent for saying things that ruin situations (advice: there is only a select time and place to make any reference to the movie "Ferngully". I have yet to find it.)
13. "Metaphorskin" by Mortimer Snert
I liked the use of props. It was also fun to see Patrick the so-called Frown Machine crack up onstage. Very funny.
14. "Seven Pieces in Five Minutes or Less, I Promise" by Adam Hahn
Of all the things Adam can do, I never knew he could fit through a coat hanger. Well done, Adam.
15. "He's Just Misunderstood" by Katy Baggs
Katy comes up with some of the most creative ideas I have ever seen. She has a unique sense of humor that I really like.
An uneven show, but I hope next week's will be better.
In all the years of No Shame, hasn't there been another time when someone's piece has been shut down prematurely (though in this case it only appeared to be)? Because I can't believe this is the first time this argument is going on. What happened then?
Also, Ferngully is tubular.
that jesse blain piece was also interrupted. someone decided it had gone on long enough and someone walked on stage and took the plastic fetus. jesse told me he wasnt expecting it and was really glad that someone had that reaction.
One time Paul Rust and someone else, i didn't know who it was at the time, stood on stage and back and forth each performer said "Blee" and "bloo" back and forth. their intention was to do it until they were forced to stop, because at that time nobody enforced the five minute rule, and in fact frequently broke it. it went on for a while. then each person was picked up off the ground and physically removed from the stage.
its possible that adam's frame of mind was like that of those that pulled them off the stage. that the actual removal was intenionally provoked. michael has said it wasn't, so it just chalks up to miscommunication or whatever. but. i mean.
i dont know.
i say, this shit happens. it seems all blown out of proportion. i feel like a lot worse stuff should be happening to warrent this kind of reaction.
i am glad there's an audience now.
i love all of you, and hope to see you next week.
Bobby!--
"i love all of you, and hope to see you next week."
For reals? How splendid.
Can't we just let things go? We are all adults and need to act it. Using big words on a blog does not constitute acting like an adult. It would be nice if we could just enjoy No Shame for what it is and not make this a drama fest. I go to No Shame on Friday nights because it’s a nice way to unwind after a long week and I feel that has been spoiled the last few weeks. This tension between people is beginning to reach the audience. Several of my friends are beginning to feel uncomfortable. Don't let personal problems get in the way of everyone else having their good time.
P.S. HOORAY FOR BOBBY'S RETURN!!!
Religion of Fish?!?!?!?!?!
3 (continued): I think "Rigga the Fart Machine" should best be viewed in the context of the Simpsons episode with Sideshow Bob where he steps on one rake, then two, all the way up to 9. The first time it's funny, the 2nd time it's not, the 5th time it's definitely not, but by the time the 9th rake-hit rolls around, it's gotten even funnier because you can't believe they're doing it.
On the lights issue: Given that A) The script had no exact "lights out" time (e.g. "Pull the lights down at 3 minutes and 45 seconds in") and B) the person operating the lights was doing it for the first time,
Adam's decision to poke his head into the light booth for a time check doesn't seem unwarranted, particularly because it did feel a lot longer. (I was sure we had hit 5 minutes by the time the lights went off)
Janani's not the type to be intimidated by much, and, from an outsider, Adam seems to have done a pretty good job as a No Shame board member this year.
(I missed both Adam going to the booth and the confrontation, and so won't comment on that.)
Continuing with the rest of the show:
*8) Miguel: The other really good serious piece of the night. Very well done.
9) Jamal lies about a word: Funny. I was surprised the word existed as well.
10) Sucks to be You, Pluto--well done, and Katy Baggs' orbiting was brilliant. I might have retitled the piece so as to hide the fact that it was about Pluto for the first few seconds.
11) This Week in Canada--not bad at all, but if Nick could have found a way to tie everything to Canada, as opposed to just the first half, it would have been brililant.
12) Yogurt Sucks: Demented and Fun. Had one of the best lines of the night. "This is like cunt-bumping Laura Bush good."
13) Metaphorskin--enjoyable. I liked the dancing too.
14) Seven Pieces in five minutes or less--the coat hanger and audience debate were the strongest sections, and they were very strong. I wasn't particularly impressed with my performance as Danielle.
*15) He's Just Misunderstood--Brilliant from start to finish. The fact that this is inspired by a real website frightens me. The mushroom was perfect.
Oh, what the hell, I was going to give Adam the opportunity to make this clarification, but this is from a personal email from him to me:
"This is my third semester on the board. I've been involved in No Shame on and off for over seven years, and I've performed No Shame in four states. Before this weekend, I had never purposely cut off an unfinished piece in under five minutes, and I never expected to except to prevent something unsafe or illegal.
I went to the lightbooth to cut you off."
Note the final sentnece.
I give him credit for being honest. He could have easily just went with it and pretended he didn't try to do it.
GREG SAID: "9) Jamal lies about a word: Funny. I was surprised the word existed as well."
Greg, "nerable" is in the dictionary...it means the same thing as "gullable." Take a look.
*snicker*
I find it hard to believe that in the 7 years Adam has been going to No Shame, Rigga was the worst piece Adam has ever seen. I think I even saw worse last week. Still, I think that cutting off a piece early just because you don't like it, and you have the ability to because you are on the board is uncool. UNCOOL, ADAM HAHN.
Fuck. As it turns out, i have like no money, and am most likely not coming. Sorry to let people down. Im also letting myself down. I'll try to come down some other weekend and just do a regular no shame sometime. when i have money.
Haven't read this "blog" for, oh gosh, a good 24 hours! Weow!
Nice little twists & turns we're taking here...
"No, it was absolutely not Adam's fault! He's done no wrong! We have EYEWITNESS testimony that his actions were impecable!"
...But then we get a SIGNED CONFESSION from Mr. Adam Hahn.
"...Yes, I did it... I cut off your piece. And I do not apologize for my actions. Because though I may have been against the law... truth & righteousness are with me at all times..." (To Adam's credit, I honestly believe his intentions are good: he cares more about No Shame than just about anybody I've ever met, he would never intentionally injur it. With his face ...Beating down hard on it, with bloods & snot. Butt serious, folk! No! I'm just saying. I'm just saying, Adam's motives are pure ...but his actions are crappy.)
And then nobody says ANYthing about the wretched "ordeal", except Michael, who is clearly pleased as punch. Hooray! Now we can go back to saying: "Adam, what you did was 100% wrong." Yay!!!
So now I can go back to standing by every claim I made & stance I took in my 1st naughty, longgggggg-winded post! Horahhh!
And Dr. Mrs. anonniemusk: if you and your friends are getting spooked by mom & dad fighting, then I'm sorry... I guess... Well, not really though, cause I don't
believe that there's been much of ANY visual hostility, save for last Friday. I guess I've only been twice this semester, so maybe the weeks I missed were TERRIFYING.
And this is just a teensy matter, but... Doctor, you
are put off by all the shmancedy-fancifulled non-fiction prose you see going down on the blog? Goodness me! Heavens-to-Betsy! That's awful that you are physically forced to read each and every blog entry, and have such a rotten time doing it! Sucks to be you.
As for the ever-poopular, "Can't we just put this behind us?" No, not really. Not so fer as I can tell, anyways. To MY mindball's eye, I see a genuine and mildly disturing phenomenon taking place. And though I do admit that I personally don't care a whole heck-a bunch about how things turn out with No Shame in the near future, I apparently care enough to try to address some potentially "No-Fun Theatre" problems that I really do feel are serious enough to be a threat to the corporation.
And NO, this wasn't Angeladam's 1st power-happy offense, silly! I just didn't want to seem like a TOTAL asshole by bringing up items's from No-Shames-past to back up my claim. Seems a lil too rude.(Meet me under the steeple at St. Wendysauce: I'll whisper it into ya ears! Smiley face! WINKING smiley face! LOLoLOLLXXXOOOO!!!!! Sleepy-naughty-man's-ass smiley face!!!!!!!!!!!!
...I probably seem like a total asshole anyway, which maybe it's a fair cop, I couldn't tell you. But I do believe that the concerns about current No Shame and its potential future are valid. Like I says a million times ago, I DON'T care a TON about what happens, or if No Shame will be able to survive it: I mean, I'm an old man, right? I've been at No Shame for like 10 years! TEN GODDAMN YEARS! I should have stopped long ago, right? I mean, my glory days are way-since past, yeah? But... but... I still sort of enjoy going now & again... and I probably have a mild case of the Todd-"Rumpy"-RistUHHH syndrome (yoiks!), where I guess No Shame's something I've been a part of for so long that I can't hardly just stand there & watch it die. ...Well, yeah, I could, prolly. No sweat. But I'm having a really good time writing these posts.
I love my kitties so much! They're so cute and nice to touch! I love them! So much more than I love most humans.
...I wish some of you were my kitties.
...I'd like you so much better.
(But you couldn't come to the shows anymore.)
"I apparently care enough to try to address some potentially "No-Fun Theatre" problems that I really do feel are serious enough to be a threat to the corporation"
Dude, that sentence is JACKED. Doesn't make a lick-a sense. What the hell kinda noun is "potentially-problem"?
I didn't really understand what Jamal just said, but I maintain that this controversy can only be solved with fisticuffsmanship. Michael Tabor has the reach and maybe the power, but Adam is scrappy and I would call it as a tossup.
PATRICK--
Really? One-Minute No-Shame? And I already had my piece written. I fucking hate you Patrick, and I malign your decision-making abilities. Drama. Controversy.
"I didn't really understand what Jamal just said"
...Maybe you will... some day...
No, but for real: didn't understand the whole long post, or didn't understand "potentially-problem"? No, I don't understand that either, Evan! You and me, buddy! We feel the same! We just don't get things like that! It doesn't make SENSE to us! (Sometimes we don't like it when we don't understand: it IS quite frustrating. But Evan & I try to be a good sport about it, I'd say. I'd say Evan and my etiquitte is really mostly quite nice and proper. Like little girls in their Sunday dresses. That's nice. It's good to be nice like that. Just ask me or Evan! We'll tell you that, "Yes, it is.")
It was just the way you put it that confused me, Jamal. Your prose stylings met my eyeballs like paisley and offered no purchase nor pattern, but a second reading forced them to surrender their secrets (except for: "Angeladam", which I'm still not sure about).
I agree that in principle it isn't good for anybody to be the quality police on skits, but I can't really work up the righteous fury on this particular issue. Maybe it's the fact that I hated the piece, maybe it's the fact that half the response of the pro-Fart Movement (so christened by me) was a sort of faux avant-garde "Something is wrong with you snobs who couldn't appreciate the simple beauty of four minutes of mock-farting, and aren't we clever for twisting your tails?", but this is having a singular failure to move my heart. Maybe if Adam stormed the light booth and kicked his jack-booted feet through the controls to turn the lights out on my piece, I'd be tweaked, but this kind of leaves me cold.
Also I feel kind of outside this clash of egos drama, and it just kind of makes me a little ill. There's been 51 posts about this in two days and I think 20 posts would have been pressing the issue too much. Either there's bad blood at No-Shame and it can only really be sucked out by medical leaches on this blog, or there isn't really bad blood and there are drama queens using this space to further their sinister alien space-bat agenda because it's easier than doing it in person. I lean to Door #2.
So none of you kids today remember who Sarah Neilson is, but I used to do No Shame a bit back in the 2001-'03 day, and, while checking the orders/reviews from time to time when I haven't been in AGES seems like a weird way to avoid homework, I feel inclined to say some things that have pretty much already been said. (That's what you learn how to do with an English degree.)
I didn't see the piece. BUT. I've seen plenty of what we affectionately call "audience antagonization" pieces, and, come on, that's part of the fun/risk of a venue where the audience has no idea what's gonna happen. Ideally, you have a lineup of pieces that are so funny and/or dramatic and/or thought-provoking that such a piece becomes the amusingly unanimous OH I KNOW I thought it was NEVER GONNA end in the Post-No Shame conversation, and everyone laughs, and you move on.
Next. Isn't No Shame SUPPOSED to make you go, "What the HELL was that?" Again, part of the fun/risk/consequences of attending...yes? I wasn't there when Adam posed this question to Micheal, but dude, were you serious? Were you angry? Did you feel as if they weren't taking this valued theatrical venue seriously enough? 'cause, um. You weren't in the piece. Now, if someone, say, does a piece, and they ask you to be in it, and you think the piece is stupid or it makes you uncomfortable or whatevthings, THEN you can say, "uh, HELL'S this?! I'm not doin' it!" but. upon entrence to the theatre everyone commits to watchin' the same show. Learn to enjoy the pain, Hahn, you'll be happier that way.
Clarifications and apologies.
1. I went up to the light booth to cut off Rigga. I was trying to figure out if the piece would ever end on its own when Janani brought the lights down. I would have told her to about ten seconds later.
2. I shouldn't have done that. I was pissed off, and I did the wrong thing. There are only three rules, and they were not breaking them. I am sorry.
3. I am also sorry that going to the booth meant rising from the front row and letting everyone in the house watch me climb the stairs. This may have had the effect of chasing away audience members, intimidating audience members trying to work up the nerve to become performers, or making some performers think they must satisfy Adam Hahn with their work. Uncool, Adam Hahn.
4. "I find it hard to believe that in the 7 years Adam has been going to No Shame, Rigga was the worst piece Adam has ever seen." That depends on what you mean by "worst". I've seen bad pieces. I've seen long pieces. I've seen boring, offensive, and stupid pieces. The overwhelming majority of these were performed by people who were trying to express something honest, develop their craft in some way, or at least entertain someone other than themselves. That's actually why No Shame exists.
5. I spoke harsh words to Michael Tabor et. al. after the show, for which I see no need to apologize.
adam hahn-- from my point of view it seems immature to imply that your issue was with the piece itself-- to imply that the intentions of the performers were dubious. there is obviously tension between the adam hahn school and the michael tabor school.
to put things in perspective...
lets all close our eyes and re-imagine rigga the fart machine. this time, instead of MT and JG on stage, lets imagine that the skit is being performed by evan schenck and eric landuyt (of the adam hahn school of no shame). as you are witnessing this post-apocalyptic vision, do you see adam hahn tyrannically climbing the steps to the booth for the purpose of pulling the plug on the piece? does he go up to his disciples after the show and demand "what the fuck was that?" DOES HE?
not in my vision.
adam hahan, perhaps you are justified in having hard feelings against the michael tabors, but dont try to disguise that in artistic indignation.
"...perhaps you are justified in having hard feelings against the michael tabors..."
Neither Sean Shatto nor John Leigh had anything to do with this. Don't drag them into it. The Michael Tabors were a fun band and enjoyable by all!
I, of course, wasn't there, so I can't comment on what actually went down.
But I just want to reiterate that the way to kill no shame is to show potential writers that they might be ridiculed/attacked for the quality of their pieces. It's bad enough for a new writer if their piece doesn't go over well, but showing them that a piece can be cut, or that afterwards, someone might ask you, "what the hell was that" is not encouraging.
in terms of keeping the audience, if we are cutting the piece to help prevent audience members deciding not to come back-- then why don't we screen pieces before hand & remove the bad ones so that we only have good pieces every night. While this probably would eventually attract a larger crowd (once word gets around), it would, of course, not be no shame.
i.... wasn't there. but i read the comments. i don't know. just-- save the drama for your mama. go to no shame-- like the pieces you do, hate the pieces you don't, and if you have to talk about it, talk about it with who you want in private. nobody should be ridiculed/attacked for their no shame piece in a public setting.. blah
I'm almost done here, for reals, I'll shut it. Just 3 lil' things...
1)I
2)love
3)you.
...Wait, no, wait,
1)Evan, I like how you're so sickly-nauseatinged by these posts, you can't hardly stand it! Why won't we all just stop it?! But you keep on posting about it, too. ...Can you resist the temptation of replying to this?... I dares you. (P.S. Yeah, arguing on a blog is pretty lame, I admit. I'd be happy to do it in person if you prefer. Let's take it to the streets, mo-fo. ...But on the other hand, this blog [as with most] is pretty frickin lame anyway. Personally, I haven't enjoyed reading it this much in years. What's a blog for if not having wussy virtual nerd fights?)
2)I still find it very hard to believe that in seven years Egg has NEVER seen such an outrageously inappropriate use of 5 minutes. I know this new crowd isn't used to it, be for YEARS there was a whole, widely explored genre going. "Irritainment" it was dubbed. (Get it? Irritating Entertainment? Right.) It was even a relatively respected format. People were like, "Ah, somebody's doing something weird on stage for 5 minutes again. How quaint." It just kind of blows my mind that 3 tiny little minutes of fart noises can give ya'll such a fright. My entire adult life I continue to be shocked by how retarded people are. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but no. (Yeah yeah, I know, "Who you callin' retard, asshole?! You and your friends the ones with the fuckin' fart noise piece!" Yeah, I know.)
3)Judging by how damn much ya'll hated the fart piece, you should feel lucky you weren't there when I was going through my hard-core "antagonize the audience" phase. You woulda lynched me, prolly. I bet. So I guess I'M lucky you weren't there. I'm a very lucky man! I have it good! I'm very very lucky! A house, and a job, and a wife & kids who love me & who I don't even hit when they're bad! (Not hard enough to leave a mark.) Lucky lucky lucky lucky me! I'm a lucky son-of-a-fuck! Yayayayayayayayyayaayayy! Hearts & kisses!!!!! Peace out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jamal, it's like a horrible car/bus/commuter train accident with the mangled bodies of nuns, orphans, and yuppies strewn about the crash site like broken He-Man action figures in a sea of ketchup. I can't look away! I don't think I really want to get into a street-fight with you, but if that's the way it has to be, we'll rumble. Bring your posse and I'll bring mine; and no guns, no knives, no chains. Fists and axe-handles only.
But I'm feeling better about this, recent comments have aroused my curiosity, such as the accusation that I (and Eric L.--?) are disciples of Adam Hahn. I deny this, I don't consider myself a member of any "school", nor am I even sure that there are "schools" at NS.
I'm also pretty sure that if Eric and I had put on "Rigga the Fart Machine" in the same way Michael and Jake put it on, Adam would have reacted the same way. He might not have cursed at me after the show, because I think I get along with Adam better than Michael does, but he still would have gone up to the light booth, and he probably still would have confronted me after the show, albeit perhaps in a less aggressive fashion.
Did you all know that the average male penis in it's most erect state can hold up to 2 dozen eggs suspened from a bag? Thats amazing! ISN"T THAT AMAZING!!! I MEAN REALLY! And its just about as pointless as this blog argument. I mean a penis carrying 24 eggs without pain. THATS GREAT! I tried it too and YOU KNOW WHAT? IT WORKS! You should all try it. It would be a better use of all of our time.
p.s. What school of No Shame would I be from?
"Did you all know that the average male penis in it's most erect state can hold up to 2 dozen eggs suspened from a bag?"
That would be as opposed to the average female penis, Eli? Good one, EINSTEIN.
"(Evan)can you resist the temptation of replying to this?..."
No, apparently. Which is fine. Let's talk about this forever!
Actually, I'm just embarrassed, cuz I thought that No Shame people invented the word irritainment. No. It's a recognized slang term. I looked it up.
I'm mortified by my outrageous display of ignorance, & I don't know if I will be able to come to the shows anymore. Certainly not for a few months, at least. There's no room at No Shame for people who make dumb assumptions, I know that. And I regretfully but willingly resign, both in my role as "Lame-Ass NS Regular", and as all of you peoples's best friend. I hereby declare Eric Land-It to be my replacement. He is your new best friend. You like him most of all the people in the world (same as how you used to like me most; I know there'll be a period of adjustment, but I think in the end, you'll be more than satisfied).
I regret parting on such a sour note, my ex-best friends, but I see no other choice. Perhaps we'll meet another day, under kinder circumstances. Till then, know that I am out there, & know that you are loved.
Yours in Christ,
A. Jamal M. River
eli-- i would say that you are from the Toby Huss AKA artie AKA the strongest man in the world school of no shame.
as for everyone else:
looks like we made wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_Shame_Theatre#Rigga_the_fart_machine_AKA_the_piece_that_ruined_NO_SHAME_forever.21
sorry click above
fuck it.
just go to wikipedia and look at the article for no shame.
I'm a disciple of Adam Hahn? If we were to, for the sake of arguments and giggles, say that Adam Hahn were Jesus, which disciple would I be? Peter? John? Whoever comes up with the best answer will win Pop Tarts!
Evan, I agree with your assessment of the "Rigga by Evan and Eric" scenario.
Jamal, does this mean I am everyone's new best friend AND the new Lame-Ass NS Regular, or just the friend? I also didn't think of you as the LANSR (sounds like "lancer"), so I question your power to bequeath such a title to me.
Eli, thank you for interjecting a random/silly/useless factoid at a time when it was much needed. The blog should be for giving honest reviews and criticism, but well-timed silliness is good too.
And too all, let's be friends!
Just an FYI, there are some non-males with penises. They are called hermaphrodites. That is only the human counter example however. The female hyena is naturally born with a miniature penis. So, it is in good grammar to say the average MALE penis.
Okay, so I was not there on Saturday. No Shame is on Staurday's right? Anyway. I have to be honest: I only read about one half a half-assed post and I'm kind of drunk, also I stumbled upon your cult when I was trying to find fat pregnant ladies like peanut butter toast porn. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. FUCK YOU ALL. That said, No Shame is a forum designed for expression of all types as long as it follows the rule (Last I heard, there were only three Mr. Hahn. No Rule I know of sying you have to lick Adam Hahn's balls or satsify his own craving for validation or else you'll be quickly disposed of.) IT WAS WRONG. You just don't do that. We may not like. Hell! I hope you don't; it's the things that irritate and offend us that cause thought and reflection. Granted the social importance of two men making fart noises for five minutes may be irrelevant. According to the nature and rules of ADAM HAHN IS THE BEST THING EVER THEATRE, everyone, I mean EVERYGODDAMNEDONE is allowed their five minutes as long as they follow the 12 rules. SOmepeople need to stop and do a self-inventory (i.e. just because you and Todd Ristau send sexy emails to each other every night[seriously, Todd, don't you think it's time to get over yourself, grow up, and move on in life?] doesn't mean shit) and realize that he is not the alpha/omega of Theatre B avery Workaday night. Here's the deal: everyone needs to shake hands and apologize to each other, admit to themselves that for the most part they are barely above marginal as far as writers go, and stop this shitty vengeful behavior.
See! This is why I quit spending my drunkeness on you idiots. There are plenty of oblivious idiot girls out there my drunkeness is btter spent by rubbing against. No Shame is a fascist regime and no fun for no one no more. I hope everyone is happy humping themselves every Friday night from here on out.
Hey, Jake, do you still have my West Wing Season 1 DVDs? I probably should have grabbed them when I was over last night, but I forgot all about them.
"The female hyena is naturally born with a miniature penis."
You know, I actually knew that, but I didn't think anyone else would, so I didn't think I'd get called on it. You have exposed me: now I look mean AND dumb. I admit defeat. You've sucked the very air from my breathing holes, like when a kitten smells milk on a baby's breath and eats it's face.
I really liked the drunk guy's post (maybe due partly to being not-sober myself, I dont't know). I couldn't piece together some of the sentences, but I liked the ones I could decipher.
Jesse's post was good, too. I like how, inevitably, eventually, everybody gets all mad at No Shame and goes, "Good bye, No Shame! And I hope I never see you again!" and stomps out of the room and slams the door. No Shame is great for getting angry. When questioned, one NS regular was heard to have said, "I love No Shame! It's my angry-time!" He then proceeded to type, "I hate you all! You are jerks and dumb!" into his electrical computer, post it upon what is common known as a "world world web internet computer blog." When questioned about the "blog", the regular enthusiastically replied, "Well it's great! With the 'blog', I can be angry about No Shame all week long, not just on Friday nights! ...and most of Saturday."
Eric: I was just leaving you the "best friend" part. I was using "Lame-Ass" as a term to refer to all No Shame regualrs, not just myself.
So, yeah, in conclusion, yeah, I know: female hyena's have a little pee-pee; but I bet the male's don't have tiny labia, do they? Prove me wrong there, Smart Guy-or-Woman!
....I didn't think so.
Michael, I'm pretty sure Jake does have your DVD, but I think it's buried under all that stuff in his room.
Jamal, I'm doing a crossword puzzle and I'm stuck. I'm looking for a four-letter word that menas "Chipper" and the second letter is an "o" and the third letter I think is "s" but I'm not 100% sure on the third.
Thanks for the update on my DVD.
Maybe we should watch Curb Your Enthusiasm (or something) later.
Let's do it, Michael "Curbyur
all around.
Was there a movie we were wanting to see, too? I can't remember
Somebody on the BOBONS link just pointed out something awesome, & I'm so disappointed in myself for not noticing it: Egg's BOBO piece is about a FART MACHINE! There is a divine order to the universe. I had my doubts, but know I'm pretty sure.
-JR
Forgot to say: Michael, I don't know the word.
Also, "but know I'm pretty sure." Was supposed to be "but NOW I'm pretty sure." In case you didn't figure that out. Although I guess it's just as likely it was supposed to be "now I'm pretty
short." If I remember. "now I'm pretty and short". That must have been it. On account of I totally am: very, very pretty & and kind of ridiculuosly short.
Adam Hahn is mammoth-size tall and bone-smashing homely. Try to live THAT one down, Egg.
Michael, I regret to inform you that I have tech all day both Sat. and Sun. Thus, I can't do Gilmore Girls. However, I think we should soon. Perhaps I shall see you on Firday night? Perhaps you love the raw aggression of performance art.
Michael:
I do still have your West Wing Season 1 DVDs! I don't know why I haven't watched them yet. I started watching with my parents, and their free time, and my free time didn't always exactly line up. This sort of caused me to stop watching them. I'm very interested in watching them at some point, and I'm sure I can obtain them through other sources.
You may pick them up whenever you're around, or perhaps I can just bring them over to your house. You only live like 10 houses down!
Hey, was Studio 60 new on Monday? If I recall we were watching that Paul Newman movie during that time slot. Did you miss it again? I hope not. That would be terrible!
Anyway, I'm very sorry I was not able to reply to this earlier as I was at work, I'll try to do better about that. I hope you have yourself a fine day!
--Jake
Michael, I do remember one more thing I was going to ask you. I apologize to everyone else for the double post. I should have combined these together.
Michael - when you shave do you use an actual razor, or do you use an electric shaver? Lately, my electric shaver hasn't been doing a very good job and I need to figure out what to do! I guess I could buy a replacement head for it, but that's like thirty dollars! I think that might even be half what I paid for the original electric shaver!
My question is this: Do you think it's worth my time and money to go find a replacement head for my shaver, or do you think I should just switch to a shaving cream and disposable or cartridge based razor shaving system? I'm inclined to believe that the disposable razors would do a better job than my electric shaver, what with the state my current shaver is in, but who knows?! I appreciate the help a lot. Thanks.
Grow a beard.
Jake can't really grow a beard.
Jake- Studio 60 was new on Monday, and I missed it because we were watching the boring Paul Newman movie. They replay it on Wednesdays on Bravo, so I thought I'd watch it then, but I missed it. Would you put it on a CD for me?
On the issue of a razor: what I used to do was use these disposable razors that Bic makes that are supposed to last a week. I would use it everyother day and it would last TWO weeks. It worked well.
Of course, since I've had electrolisis done on my face, I've eliminated the need for a beard all together.
Hey, I was squishing Zombies down pretty hard last night, huh? What was the deal with that?
what season of curb your enthusiasm are you guys watching? ive only seen the first two and now i feel like im missing out.
Hey Michael! I think I figured out the word! I looked it up on a web thesaurus, which, yeah, is cheating, so don't read this if that bothers you, but I think the word is "rosy". Does that fit with the puzzle? "rosy"
You sure were pushing down pretty hard last night, and Zombies didn't even yell or run away! Weird. Also, what's up with The Cosby Show acting all aloof, and not really eating much lately? That kind of bothers me.
Jake: I like electric razors better, but then again I hate shaving, no matter what type of razor I'm using. (Which is why I always have gross stubble.) But I do think the razor burn is worse with disposable ones. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong. I probably am, actually. Piece of shit father: never even taught me how to shave properly. Why am I even giving you advice on this subject that I really know nothing about? Oh well. Too late to hit the "delete" button now.
That was weird how we didn't even watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm" last night. We just sat there. Nobody seemed to care, though, except maybe The Wooch.
-J
Jamal! YAY! "rosy" totally fits! Thank you! I have now completed this puzzle.
It was weird that we didn't watch the show. I kind of cared that we didn't, but not too much. It was fun just sitting around. And we've got the DVDs, so it's at our disposal if we're in the mood ever. What time did Seinfeld finally come on?
I don't know what Cosby's deal is, either. I think she pooped all of the stairs (which is weird because she hasn't been eatint) too! I stepped right into it when I got home yesterday.
I actually took a half day at work, so I won't be around the internet for the rest of the day, or the rest of the weekend, so I guess we'll have to wait to talk until Tuesday. (Monday is a holiday)
J-Bla- it's cool about Gilmore Girls. We'll figure out when to get together. When do you come back to work at the Oakdale campus?
That's kind of rude, Mortimer. I can only speak for myself, but it does kind of hurt my feelings when you talk like that. There are nicer ways to handle problems.
Michael: I guess you won't be able to read this for a few days. Oh well. I guess I'll just see you when I get home.
Jake: you should come over before the show, we can watch a "Curb" episode for real this time.
Did you know that if you put poop into a jar... it TASTES GOOD?!!!?? I don't know why, it's like a chemical reaction, I guess. No foolin: it's SO GOOD!!!!???!
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