Sunday, December 04, 2005

IC BONS Order Fall 2005

IC BONS (aka BOBB) Order for Fall 2005

First a few details: writers, remember to bring sufficient copies of your script for you, your actors, and the light booth. You don't need to show up as early as usual, since we don't need to assemble an order, but please give your light booth copy to the board member who is collecting them. And remember to invite a lot of friends--we count on BONS as a money-maker for the year. You don't want us to be evicted, do you? We'll be in Theatre B, which is really fun to play in when it's packed full, so please do your part.

On to the order... I apologize if these titles aren't exactly right; I'm doing this from memory since Jamal and Alyssa have the official order to use for making programs.

1. “How to Make Milkshake Machine Run,” by Jonathan Shelton
2. “Parasites! Ouch!” by Bobby Evers
3. “Seven Minutes in Heaven,” by Patrick Ashcraft
4. “Elbows, or Yellbows,” by Sean Shatto
5. "Pac Man Fever," by Evan Schenk
5.5 “Halloween Spooktacular,” by King Sophie
6. "Exercise in Politeness: Penultimate Movement" by Alisa Rosenthal
7. “We Are Anarchists,” by Eli Wilkinson
8. “Marianne, or How I Spent my Summer Vacation,” by Adam Hahn
9. “Turn a Frown Upside Down,” by Danielle Santangelo
10. A song from Just Another Shark by Steve Hiro
11. "Distance and Overexposure" by Cool Jesse Hates You and YOUR MOM
12. “Ouch, Stop it, Please,” by Sadie Smith
13. “Ball Cap Follies,” by Bernice Wells Carlson
13.5 “Popping the Question,” by Katy Baggs
14. “Keep Your Friends Close and Your Friends Far, Far Away,” by Timm Sitzmann
15. “What’s Your Favorite Planet?” by Aprille Clarke
16. “In Your Town,” a song by the Michael Tabors


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I am excited for this Best of!!

Buy my knives!

12/04/2005 9:33 PM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

Can I kill people with the knives?
Damn... (Cries)

12/04/2005 9:43 PM  
Blogger Patrick said...

is there going to be a post of last friday's order? even though it was dead week, i'd like to comment.

12/05/2005 5:04 PM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

Yeah. Last weeks order would be something I too would like to comment on. There were some pieces I feel that I really need to talk about. (psst. It's so people think I know something when really I don't have shit to say that would be beneficial in any way shape or form)

12/05/2005 10:16 PM  
Blogger Evan Schenck said...

I agree. I really want to comment on Patrick Ashcraft's horrific crimes against Shelton and humanity at large.

12/06/2005 12:05 AM  
Blogger Patrick said...

i did a service to shelton. what are these talks of horrific crimes. btw -- evan would you like to participate in a skit with me next semester. i have something in mind. muuuaahhhh muuuuuhaahhahaaa!

12/06/2005 12:28 AM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

I think Shelton should've gone along with the kiss. He could use some tender lovin'. What Patrick did was not a crime. He was helping Shelton. Do you know the last person Shelton kissed before Patrick landed one on him? Mirri on week one (with the gross things) and before that, Stef Bell at Theatre Prom. I've even kissed more people between that span than Shelton. Shelton needed a good kiss he'll remember for a long time.

12/06/2005 2:02 AM  
Blogger aprille said...

Sorry, I don't know who has the order. Michael? Jamal? Alyssa? Adam? I know Timm and I don't have it.

12/06/2005 8:23 AM  
Blogger Shelton said...

Hey dickfaces,instead of coming up with your own personal "theories", how about you actually, oh, I don't know, THINK about how I feel? I agree with Evan. And Eli, Patrick, how in hell can being french kissed by a man be called a "service" to me. I want you BOTH to explain that. I want to see the bizarre, otherworldly locic at work behind your statements. How the hell does it help Eli, you of all people should know that being kissed by a man would be one of the MOST detrimental things that could happen to my self esteem. Also, Evan, please explain how its a crime against humanity. That sounds pretty cool, because crimes against humanity usually involve some kind of tribunal of judgement. And those rock. It could be just like Nuremburg, except instead of Nazis, we have Eli and Patrick. And instead of killing millions of Jews, Poles, Gypsies, Gays and political dissidents, we have Patrick kissing me. This could usher in a whole new reign of terror at No Shame theater. The skit could become reality, for as Old Bill said "All the world's a stage", so why SHOULDN'T the skits become reality. Technically they already are, since art imitates life and such.
Which brings me to my next point. Fuck you, Eli and Patrick. Fuck you both like the Kiss-Nazi-War-Criminal -Actors you both are deep down inside.

12/06/2005 8:26 AM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12/06/2005 8:42 AM  
Blogger Michael Tabor said...

I don't have the order...I believe that I saw Alyssa put it in her purse...

12/06/2005 8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why no Eric piece in Best Of? Sure they were always the same song sung differently each time but some of them were pretty good.

12/06/2005 10:36 AM  
Blogger Shelton said...

Eli, you silly goose, I'm just kidding too, sort of. But you are right. You are a tool...of SATAN! Mwa-ha-ha!

12/06/2005 11:37 AM  
Blogger Patrick said...

okay two things --

shelton -- you have a lot of hate in you. i don't know where it comes from. but here is my question to you -- what is so bad about kissing a man? i kissed my dad many times and i kiss my brother. shelton, i see you like a brother, so why can't i kiss you? i kiss jesse blaine all the time. hell, i kiss my cats. are you saying that my cats are worthy of my kisses and not you? b/c you most certainly are worthy shelton. it's an act of love and believe it or not shelty -- i love you. not in a - i want to marry, shelty way or - i want to ram my cock up shelty's ass way. that is not the love i'm talking about. i'm talking about a brotherly love. a love that has no shame. a love that we should all exude to one another every friday night. i don't like hatas. shelty, i'm sorry about the tongue thing. it was instinctual and i didn't do it to spite you. plus, it was only a little tongue. it's not like i rammed it down your throat. i'm sorry if i hurt your manhood, i don't think i did. but if you think it did then that is how i did a service to you. kissing someone of your same gender says nothing about your sexual preference. plus shelty - you're in college so deal. i don't think kissing you is anywhere close to hitler. unfortunately, i won't make the history books.

okay now for number two --

i voted for eric to get in best of as well as many others. so anonymous person - if you have a problem with eric not getting in then speak up! don't be all anonymous about it. anonymous eric supporters don't help eric out at all. (hopefully it wasn't eric posing as a concerned patron.) i think eric should have gotten in best of and i'm not afraid to say it. i think a majority of people (myself included) disagree with eric's pieces. i personally am offended just about every time out. but eric does have no shame. and this should be represented. he showed up and cared more about no shame this semester than say alisa rosenthal. i hate to call out on her alisa's a fine performer, but she did drop off the radar for quite awhile, but eric showed up just about every week.

which brings me to my next point. whether we like it or not, no shame is political. it tries to act like it isn't but it is politics that didn't get eric in best of. and that is a problem. if eric had performed a piece written by anyone else in the no shame ensemble it would be ignored. if he performs "seven minutes in heaven" at best of people will think oh, god eric is gross and eric is dumb and offensive. but it was written by me!

personally, i will say i'm proud of eric's piece at the last no shame. i'm mad those people laughed through the whole thing, but eric said some vital stuff, more vital about him and about no shame than i think most have this semester. on the other hand, i am not praising eric. i think he dug his own grave from the very start with the vikings piece. unfortunately he started off on the wrong foot. unfortunately, eric is pretty damn offensive and his own personal politics are pretty skewed. unfortunately, i really don't like eric's pieces. but no shame is about variety and eric provides that.

thanks for listening to this rant. i love you all and i care deeply about no shame. i just try to add where i can.

12/06/2005 12:04 PM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12/06/2005 12:38 PM  
Blogger Evan Schenck said...

I agree with Patrick's opinions on Eric Landuyt in BONS and, to a lesser extent, manly love.

There is part of me, Patrick, that would really be pleased to be in an Ashcraft piece. But the fact is that you make me really uncomfortable. You're always fixing me with a blank stare in the lounge before No-Shame, and when you speak to me you sound kind of hostile. You are scary. I mean, the last skit you did, you raped Shelton's face with your tongue--God knows what you would do to me! You've already sat on my head, what more do you want, sicko?

12/06/2005 3:48 PM  
Anonymous adam said...

I've even kissed more people between that span than Shelton.

I haven't.

I also do not have the order.

12/06/2005 5:05 PM  
Blogger Shelton said...

I'd just like to say that I'm really enjoying the way that the message board hasn't really been about No Shame pieces in, like, 2 weeks. I think there should totally be an announcement at BONS for the audience to check this out. This total Soap Opera thing we have going is really awesome. THIS is what No Shame is actually about.

Also, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm acting like a being composed entirely of hatred and spite. The constant death threats against Eli? That's just how Eli and I show how we like each other. My insane, homophobic rant comparing ELi and Patrick to history's greatest monsters? That's just my standard right-wing rhetoric that my evil Republican masters force me to spew at every oppurtunity in hopes of indoctrinating others into joining our dark brotherhood so that one day the religious right will march over the ruined field of blood that was once the civilization that we hold so dear. Wait...did I just type that?'s probably a good idea to just ignore that last rambling sentence. Just some more of that insane republican rhetoric...I mean...shit.

12/06/2005 6:41 PM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

Fuck you Shelton! The religious right is the most retarded thing since Helen Keller... it's worse than being the male equivelent of Helen Keller aka you! Or Tommy from the Who's breakthrough rock opera.

As for the rest of you. I like you... yes even Evan... he is my overlord with a beard. Well...Except I don't like that Snugglepuss kid. He can get on my fucking nerves. You heard me you annoying little shit!

12/06/2005 6:50 PM  
Blogger Evan Schenck said...

Snugglepuss? What are you even talking about, Eli? You've been getting more and more crazy with each blog post; it's like you're descending into some pit of unrecoverable madness.

12/06/2005 9:13 PM  
Blogger Shelton said...

Now you know how I feel Evan. I've been living with this for, like, 14 years.

And Eli: when the new world order comes, who do you think will be the first against the wall? Think on that.

12/06/2005 9:44 PM  
Anonymous Eric said...

Now here's my two things.

First of all, it is not me anonymously complaining that I didn't make it into Best Of. If I were going to complain, I would identify myself. While I am quite disappointed, I'm not going to be petty and bitch about it. Complaining that people don't appreciate my work wouldn't accomplish anything.

Which leads to my second point. I told myself from the beginning that I wouldn't get on the blog to try to defend, explain, or justify my work to anyone, but I feel I should respond to what Patrick said. Patrick, I really appreciate your honesty on all counts. I know what I do offends people, and I admit that at times I have gone out of my way to offensive. But not everything I do is for simple shock value. Most of my pieces are meant to be ironic or satirical, but I realize not everyone gets that since they don't share my sense of humor. I also realize that by starting my No Shame career with the viking sketch probably did more harm than good. At the time, I wanted to make a name for myself and prove right away I was not afraid to push the envelope. On one level, I succeeded since people kept talking about it and doing pieces referring to it for a number of weeks. But that sketch was also my first impression on the No Shame audience, and I think that's affected the way they've interpreted every one of my pieces since then. I dead-pan most of my humor because I think some of the funniest things in life are the ridiculous things that some people believe in all seriousness. But because of my style, people tell me they can't tell if I'm joking or serious. Maybe I make assumptions that the audience will understand the humor the same way I do. Adam said of my first piece that the audience didn't know me and consequently didn't trust me, so they had to take what I said at face value. Since the style and content of my pieces hasn't changed much, neither have people's opinions of them. I think that's one reason a lot of people didn't understand my piece last Friday. I wanted it to be a radical departure from my usual stuff, and I thought people would see it as such since it was (meant to be) totally serious and had nothing to do with sex. It was hard for me to do because it was so personal and was about an actual girl in my life (which I guess I didn't make clear enough). So I was upset to hear people laughing; the glares I gave a few members of the audience probably gave that away. I just hope some people did actually take it seriously.

I've probably said more than enough already, but I just want to add that I too care a lot about No Shame. I wouldn't take the time and effort to get up onstage every week if I didn't. I don't want anyone to approach me with a "handle with care" attitude now that I've said all this. Like I said, I appreciate your honest opinions, positive and negative, even if I don't agree with them. Thanks for listening, and keep the reviews coming.

And to anyone who's disappointed I'm not in BONS this semester, we'll see what happens next spring.

12/06/2005 9:46 PM  
Anonymous Snugglepuss said...

I will fuck you up Eli! Seriously man! I will cut you... and you will die. I say Eli is first upon the wall!

12/06/2005 11:04 PM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

Hey Eric it's okay man, people laughed at my two serious pieces this year. One because it was so unprepared and the girl playing the girl had just got the script mere seconds before going on stage whereas the other, my personal favorite ever, Birds Eye, NO ONE UNDERSTOOD! They were all like oh wierd, he's ryhming. They didn't get that the voices were a friend long gone and a lover who rejected me. They didn't see that the eye was a symbol for what could have been but was never to be. It pissed me off. Fuck, the crowd laughed at the line "I have sins I must atone" for christs sake. So I know exactly how you feel on that one. If it makes you feel better, I knew it was about a girl. Had I not arrived late I would have done a piece fairly similar. What I suggest, stick with what YOU want to write. Don't sell out. Stick with that and soon people will hopefully respect you for sticking to your guns. In fact that's the only real compliment I've ever gotten from the board members before so yeah... sell outs suck. Like Liz Phair or whatever her name is = Burning in hell for enternity.

To Snugglepuss... we shall see my good adversary... we shall see...

To Shelton... I haven't been losing my mind for 14 years. Just since 6th grade.

To Evan, if you knew the kind of week and a half I have had your mind would slowly degenerate into nothingness as well.

12/06/2005 11:20 PM  
Blogger timm said...

let's try to piece the order together for last friday, here are the pieces i remember:

1. shelton's pants mansion piece

2. patrick singing a song

3. Eric's monolouge

4. My piece with the couple fighting

5. "mistress sasha" (she gave a different name this time) and talking about her job as a dominatrix

6. Adam Hahn's beer commercial you won't ever see

7. Was there the final piece for the John Leigh series?

8. Aprille did a piece... I don't remember what though

9. The piece where Adam Hahn was choking

now you help!

12/07/2005 12:18 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

Shit, not another order by forensic reconstruction.

Tim, how do you not know the title of your own piece?

Mine was "Three Beer Commercials You Will Never See on American Television" (threesome, suicide, vomit) I remember it coming late in the order.

The piece where Adam Hahn was choking was "Gustav & George" a scene from 2034 by Greg Machlin. Eric played an assassin, and I had bad lungs. I believe it was #3.

Mistress Sashs is better known as Dori, and I believe she was listed only by first name.

In Aprille's piece, she made and ate an omelette from her own ova.

There was a final John Leigh Gomez piece. Clone love!

Sean Shatto got our help doing a crossword.

Evan Schenck did his piece about overthrowing the No Shame board. Stage 5: Dragons!

There were more.

12/07/2005 2:16 AM  
Blogger Shelton said...

I like the way this "Snugglepuss" rolls. Hey Snugglepuss, do you know Snagglepuss? If the three of us temaed up, Eli would be dead in a matter of minutes.

12/07/2005 7:33 AM  
Anonymous Snagglepuss said...

Patrick did a song and kissed Shelton.

"Jesse Blaine is not here!" by Jesse Blaine

Thats all I can remember that you guys dont.

12/07/2005 8:06 AM  
Blogger timm said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12/07/2005 9:25 AM  
Blogger timm said...

1. shelton's pants mansion piece
(Shelton inherits one peanut butter twix, but must spend the night in a haunted pants mansion)

2. patrick singing a song, Sadie thought for her but it was actually for Shelton who Patrick kissed

3. Eric's monolouge about a girl, possibly a theme of continual rejection

4. Timm Sitzmann "Nothing Special (A couple fights with interjecting quips from a third figure)

5. Dori - talking about her job as a dominatrix

6. Adam Hahn - "Three Beer Commercials You Will Never See on American Television" (threesome, suicide, vomit)

7. John Leigh - "Clone Love"?

8. Aprille's piece where she ate an omelette from her own egg

9. "Gustav & George" a scene from 2034 by Greg Machlin

10. Sean Shatto got our help doing a crossword.

11. Evan Schenck did his piece about overthrowing the No Shame board. Stage 5: Dragons!

12. Dirty 60 - "David Ogden Stires"

13. Cool Jesse - "Jesse Blaine is not here!"


12/07/2005 9:27 AM  
Anonymous Katy Baggs said...

Plus, Eric memorizes his long monologues, which is more than most of us.

Eric, what was with those two people who were laughing VERY hard? I almost thought they were related to you, or that it was part of the piece somehow, but apparently not. Bizarre and rude. I thought that piece was good, as well as Aprille's her-omelette and Sean's crossword and...I can't remember, everything else, why not.

When Shelton pulled his pants down, I was behind him and saw his asscrack because his underpants were dragged down. But did the audience catch a glimpse of frontal?

12/07/2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger Shelton said...

Were the people that laughed at Eric's piece regular attenders? They didn't look familiar. I think if this was their first time, we can't really be that hard on them. Why, I remember my first No Shame. There was this piece where small children were being abused by their father, physically and possibly sexually. But there was this part with a robot and there was something where the little girl told the boy to put his penis in the robot's mouth. Naturally there weren't ACTUALLY children in the skit, it was a monologue. But the robot thing, that just made me lose my mind. It was the funniest thing I've ever heard. To this day I think that's the funniest skit I've ever seen. Anyway, my point is that that was a serious skit, but I was laughing all the way through that skit and the next one.
I guess what I'm saying is that even though I can't really see HOW anyone thought Eric's skit was supposed to be funny, we can't just go assuming that those people were assholes.

12/07/2005 10:44 AM  
Blogger Shelton said...

by the way, I really feel like we're all bonding and really getting to know each other. More people should get on here and let their feelings out. It's good for ya, people! We won't judge...publicly, that is.

12/07/2005 10:46 AM  
Blogger Evan Schenck said...

Katy B.
"When Shelton pulled his pants down, I was behind him and saw his asscrack because his underpants were dragged down. But did the audience catch a glimpse of frontal?"

There was hair and darkness, but nothing was quite distinguishable from where I was sitting, thank God.

The people laughing at Eric's piece looked like weirdos, even by the standards of No-Shame theatre, but I'm pretty sure at least one of them had been there before. One of them looked just like Santa Claus and I remember him from previous nights. So, Santa Claus was basically being a total asshole to Eric.

12/07/2005 11:36 AM  
Anonymous Snugglepuss said...

I hate Santa Claus. He will be second on the wall after Eli and me and my Snagglepuss will scream out with pleasure as we blow them away with a machine gun. For 5 minutes...

Oh and I saw some Shelty sack... but only for like a split second.

12/07/2005 11:48 AM  
Blogger Eli Wilkinson the First said...

Hey does anybody mind if I post a poster or two in the TB and theatre arts hall? I made some. Don't worry there is nothing wrong with them. I just answer what happened to the lindberg baby.

12/08/2005 10:39 AM  

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